I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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