Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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