sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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