Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
