If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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