she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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