Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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