whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
