there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
