you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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