I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
