Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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