No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
