This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Everclear isn't food dammit
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
