my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
