Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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