ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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