At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
