He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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