Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
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