Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Why are your pants in the freezer?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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