i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
