Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize