i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
