I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
