so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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