I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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