And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize