i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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