Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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