Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Edward fifth and chaser hands
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
