I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
