Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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