Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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