im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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