just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
