I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm getting married
To pizza
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
