Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
