It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
