WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize