That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize