I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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