Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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