I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
