I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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