I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
