***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
