WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
