wanna go halves on a baby?
i just had sex bonerless
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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