He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
