Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
