'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
