If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
