im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
