Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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