I'm laying in your front yard are you home
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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