my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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