Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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