A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
