im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
