Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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