the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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