How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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