If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize