you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
