the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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