You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
