I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
