yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
