ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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