she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
