Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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