all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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