he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize