Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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