this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize