i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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