So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
